Thursday, January 24, 2013

A fresh start

Sitting here on my couch looking out the window to a grey cloud covered sky, snuggled in a blanket, listening to my sweet baby boy sigh heavily in a deep sleeping nap I feel refreshed. Lighter. Positive. The new year is here. This is day 1. A start over. Clean slate. Higher expectations. Bigger dreams.

I walked 1.64 miles today. Laced up my sneakers. Threw on my sweatshirt. Inserted my ear buds. Out the door I went. Alone. Driven. Motivated. Strong. Encouraged. It was raining. That had no effect on the beginning of this journey. And I walked. Fast. Hard. Steady. Music blaring in my eyes. Wet pavement beneath my feet. Cold air on my face. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
I haven't done this in a really long time. I have let motherhood and excuses stop me from being my best. I had lost sight of my health and happiness. I forgot how awesome it feels to be out of breath. Sore. Accomplished.

My goal is to walk 100 miles in 90 days (or sooner). Weather is not holding me back. Time isn't either. Nor is my mood or time! This is my life. My health. Not only my physical health but my mental and emotional health. How will I give Hensley the best life ever without being my best? I realized it wasn't possible.
I have prayed. Searched. Sat and thought. What do I need to be my happiest. What makes me feel joy. What makes me smile. How can I lay my head down each night and think "This day was awesome. I felt awesome. I did awesome things." ?

I felt I had become stagnant in many areas of my life. I felt I needed to be jump started back into my life. So instead of continuing to look for this one "thing", or person, or feeling to do that I decided to just DO IT. Who else is responsible for my well being besides myself? I have to make the changes. Get off the couch. Move. Build strength. Soak up my time. Make the most of the minutes of each day. So I am.
New Year's resolutions are made by many and followed through by few. I have been those many in years past. But realized I have never been the few. This year I will. This year I will do the work. See the results. Feel the burn. Be happy. Feel better. Be the person I know I need to be.

Over the past 14 days my little family has spent our days surrounded by our families, good food, warm snuggles, and making amazing memories. We have shut the outside world out a little and found peace and comfort in our world. Christmas came and went. We soaked up every second of the magic. He ate til we could bust. We played Mario on Hensley's new WiiU. We had nerf gun fights. Laughed as Hensley strutted around in his "Mario outfit", which consists of Carhartt overalls, a red shirt and a red hat. He has spent days in his birthday suit with only rainboots on. He is constantly pretending to be a Mario character or shooting pretend fireballs at us and the dog. He and his daddy have watched football games together, where Hensley asks, "Can I play football when I am bigger?" One afternoon we told him when he was 5 he would be able to sign up for football at the field near our house. Ever since then we get asked about every 5 minutes, "I am I 5 yet??!" :)

We are always looking for his purple mask and new gun he got last week. He rides his new scooter and new tricycle through the kitchen and never slows down. We have painted and played play dough. Indulged in yummy snacks more times a day then we should. Looked for nerf bullets for hours. Seen how high we can make them stick on windows.

The conversations we have had with him have included alot of questions lately. For example: After handing him a juice box we get asked, "How does this taste so good?" or "Will red crackers make me grow be and strong like Daddy?"
He has given so many kisses, hugs, and snuggles. Most every night we all cuddle in the same bed staying close and keeping warm.

Sadly, this time is over and it's back to reality. Andy is off to work in Pennsylvania for (get this!) TWO MONTHS. We are missing him like crazy. But we have preschool, and soccer, and gymnastics, and lots of new toys to play with to keep us busy. I love the extra one on one time with Hensley and the challenge of doing it all myself. The extra time my mom and Uncle Brandon. Looking forward to this new year and all the new exciting challenging things to come!

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