Letting Him Make His Own Way

Over the years here on the blog I have written several blog posts about motherhood and my journey through it. Looking back through the blog I wish I had written more. I wish I had captured more moments in their real and raw state. I wish I had put my feelings in writing at the time they were happening instead of waiting until they had resolved themselves and passed. 

I have written several times about different stages of Hensley's life. 

Each stage always seems like the most important one at the time we are going through it. 

When he was so small and we were all learning this parenthood thing together it seemed like the most important time that could ever happen.

When he was growing and experiencing a ton of firsts it seemed like there could never be a more important time in his life. 

As he grew and became independent and headed off to school it seemed like these were the most formative and significant days were would ever endure. 

However, now, at age 9 I find myself again feeling like we are in the most significant times. 

I know one day I will look back on this time and see that they were all paramount to the person he would become and just how many more times in his life we would have yet to go through. 

However, in this moment in time I can definitely feel the shift. 

Hensley becoming independent has happened in the past and has also been the subject of many prayers I have prayed for him.

Going off to preschool, then kindergarten was a time I was so proud and so sad simultaneously.

Seeing him venture off to play dates at friends houses without me was big for him.

Seeing him hold my hand less and less as we ventured into a store or mall was not a moment that went unnoticed. 

Witnessing him being able to care for himself more, make his own food, run his own shower, pick out his own clothes. These are things that so many of us never think about. We document all the first but are quick to over look the lasts. I feel like we had to push Hensley more then the "average" child to be independent. His personality is one that is very dependent. He is perfectly content letting us do everything for him. He is strong willed, don't get me wrong, but he is also very attached to me. Being an only child contributes to that I'm sure, as well as the fact that his dad works out of town so much, and it's just him and I a lot. I am happy to cater to him because, of course, I still very much see him as my baby. I have had to force myself to encourage him to be independent. I am one to see things as easier if I do them myself. Seeing it as being done right the first time if I just take over and get it done. 

However, I started to realize I was hindering Hensley by doing this. He was very capable of doing for himself but I wasn't allowing him to. And because I hadn't "allowed" him to for so long I was now in a position that I had to "force" him to. 

During this past year, since he has turned 9 we have seen a lot of  maturity begin to happen for Hensley. Each year that passes we see more and more of who he will become. I am a big believer in the fact that some things are just hard wired in people. No matter how they raised some people are genetically engineered to be laid back or high strung. Neat or messy. Motivated or lackadaisical. 

Hensley is a little bit of both. There are things that he is so particular about (how he has to be exactly centered with the T.V when playing a video game) but at the same time he has a "it's good enough" attitude when it comes to a lot, mostly school. While Hensley is very smart and his memory is sharp as a tack and he also loves to learn, the mundane parts of school are extremely annoying to him. I see Hensley as one of those people who sees school as a thing he has to get done and out of the way in order to really go out and live life. I know all parents feel like their kids are smarter then most and I'm not exception to that. I do see Hensley as extremely intelligent and I know he will do great things, but he isn't interested in sitting and reading a book or taking a test to show how smart he is. He is very hands on, very much a visual and auditory learner. Science and math are where he excels. Video games are his passion and he has never found a sport he didn't do well at.
Hensley finds passions on a weekly basis. Once he is interested in something he goes all in. That's all he thinks about, all he watches, all he is interested in. He will let other things fall by the waist side to focus on that interest. However, every few weeks, those interest change. He moves onto something else he finds intriguing and the thing from the previous week is no longer a priority. 

I love that he is interested in a wide variety of things. That not one things encompasses his whole being. Hensley has found happiness and joy in connecting with his friends online and meeting new ones. He talks to people all over the country and even the world. He has never found a video game he can't master or even go a step further to find the secrets hidden within the game. 

I love that he has reached an age of being able to sit down and enjoy some of the same television shows together. We can laugh at the same jokes and enjoy times together just talking about everyday things. I like to think we have a pretty similar sense of humor (which is amazing for him 🤣). 

Hensley and I have found things we both are interested and explore those things together. Earlier this year we started learning sign language. We learn a few new signs each week that we can use in everyday life. It's awesome to see his face when we are in situations where we can't talk and he remembers he can sign to me! We grew our first garden together over the summer and going on walks in the evenings with the dogs is a time I truly treasure. Over the summer some of my favorite memories and moments with Hensley was at the beach out in the surf. He finds so much happiness there.

The time we went through last year when he was transitioning to third grade made me feel like we would never see Hensley's true personality again. I haven't written about that yet. I will. But it still is a hard place to go back to.

It makes my heart so happy to see his personality shine back through. He is the funniest little guy. He lives to make others laugh. He is definitely one who loves a good time! He will never shy away from an adventure. His heart is so kind. He is quick to anger though if something doesn't go his way and that's just in his blood.  

 That has been a huge struggle in recent months. Hensley strong willed personality has been getting in his way quite a bit. Being a leader is a wonderful trait, however being a dictator is not. He has started wanting more and more control over situations and people around him. He isn't coming from a place of hate or malice but he very much enjoys being in control. He has a tendency to let whatever thoughts he has come out of verbally and that can be a very bad thing. Learning to take responsibilities for his actions has been a huge lesson we have been working on. Understanding that what he says, and more importantly how he says it, effects other people and can really make an impact. This has been imperative for him to learn.
We recently had a lesson after a hard day at school using the "toothpaste lesson". I will link it here.
We are hoping that learning his actions and words towards others matter and that only he can control what he says. 

It's always a catch 22 when parenting. A balancing act. You are always try to accomplish raising an amazing human with all these strong traits without over shadowing others that also are important.

I know with middle school on the horizon and the teenage years ahead of us we will see his personality change and have to overcome many obstacles. For now we focus on one thing at a time and on teaching him lessons as they come.
We hope that having a close, open relationship with him and instilling a love for the Lord in all aspects of his life will help guide him on his way to becoming the best version of himself that he can be.

Our prayer for Hensley has always been that he will find friends who uplift and encourage him and that he will do the same for them. We pray that he will be a person of integrity and leadership.  We pray he will put God first and look to him always for guidance, in the good times and in bad. Growing up to be someone who is trustworthy and loyal as well as kind and serving to others.

For now, we are letting him make his own way.