October isn't just about pumpkins and Halloween.....

I like to keep things happy on the blog. Happy. Light. Fun. But sometimes life isn't always light and fun. A lot of people think of Breast Cancer Awareness Month when they think of October and we see pink ribbons everywhere all month, which is great, don't get me wrong. But October is also set aside for another type of awareness, it's Pregnancy, Infant, and Child Loss Awareness Month.

In October 1988 President Ronald Reagan proclaimed it Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month. Since then each year in October there has been a candle light vigil on October 15th all around the world where at 7pm everyone is asked to light a candle in every country in every time zone and leave it lit for one hour. With this hour of candle lighting there will be a wave of light to celebrate all the babies that we carry in our hearts each and everyday.  Each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the United States end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of the newborn child. National observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988, offers us the opportunity to increase our understanding of the great tragedy involved in the deaths of unborn and newborn babies. It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members and work to prevent causes of these problems.

• One in four pregnancies ends in the loss of a baby
• The loss of a child is recognized as the most intense cause of grief
• Parents never "get over" the loss of a child – no matter the age 

After 6 years the pain still hasn't lessened any at all, in fact at times it seems to get worse. As I watch Hensley grow and learn in the back of my mind I always wonder how Ava Grace would be growing up or leaning new things. I always wonder how Hensley and her relationship would be. I wonder what she would look like and as I see other mothers with little girls, I wonder if she would into cheer leading or walking around singing songs from the movie Frozen. There are things that will instantly remind me of her and how she isn't here with us. You can read the full story here.

I am thankful for this time each year. Even though she is always with me and always in my heart, it's nice to have a time set for all women who have been through this to be able to speak out and not feel so alone.

I find peace in the eyes of the child I AM able to hold and love. I find peace knowing our Father God is the once taking care of her until it's my time to see her. I find peace knowing my Grandma is up there bouncing her on her knee as she did me so many times before. I find peace in telling her all the time how much I love her and I find peace in my tears and letting it all out. Telling it all to God. Trusting in his love for me...and for Ava Grace.